I Pray I Don’t Get Yelled At…

So apparently I’ve gotten pretty skilled at ranting… I mean, not that it’s anything complicated per-say, but I think I’ve developed the right rhythm and tempo to construct a rather scathing critique of something that bothers me! But what is that something? Well, here’s my beef today (or boeuf, as the French would say): praying.

Now hold on just one second and hear me out! By NO means am I about to write about the protest of religions or their religious practices… I am also not going to attempt to hold up their validity either. I am going to attempt to play the objective role of the somewhat-comical (or so I’d like to think) blog-writer who does believe in a God but chooses to worship him (OR her) in my own way, separate from any institutionalized religious practice (particularly those that believe in the good of “pray the gay away”. Ok, maybe I’m not that objective…).

So, having said that, perhaps I should specify what exactly it is that I dislike about praying… well, you see, I think it all started after watching one-too-many sporting events. You know, football, NASCAR, hockey… then it came from watching one-too-many political leaders talk (albeit, mostly American political leaders) and then it came from watching one-too-many religious fanatics try to use prayer for negative-benefits (Honestly, “pray the gay away”? Give me a frigging break!). You see, having witnessed all of these aspects through a modern-Western perspective, intermingled with the numerous forms of Christianity and Catholicism, I have determined that the “prayer” is no more than a commercialized tool meant to indulge selfish people.

Now, once again, hold your horses! Don’t come at me slinging brimstone and fire just yet. Let me explain further…
Have you ever, for example, watched a football game and heard a player speak to the camera about how he just prays to God and Jesus every night for a win? And that, on this particular game an Angel was on his shoulder as God was there to see his team win? Because I certainly have! And more than once too… what’s even worse is when they go even further to dedicate their win to the big-man!

COME ON! I mean, I know that we all want to believe that our lives are that important but can we get real for just one second? Why in the hell is God listening to your prayers about winning some sort of sporting event, political race, social issue, etc etc etc when there’s a little 5 year old boy in the cancer-ward who is dying from a terminal illness? What about that single mother who was in a car-crash and she’ll never walk again?

So let’s get to The Chad’s big issue with prayer. How I see it, when you pray, you should be giving thanks for every beautiful day you get to spend on this earth.  You should talk about all the lovely things that you did today and all the positivity that you brought into the world. At no point should you ask for anything (because let’s be serious, we’re spinning on a rock which is hurtling through space, liable to crash into a giant meteor at any second) UNLESS it’s A) something so extreme that we can’t fix it ourselves, or B) in the interest of another individual’s well-being.

Pretty simple, no? And let’s think about it this way. We know for a fact that God does not answer every single one of our prayers. Why? Maybe it’s because (s)he’s frigging busy! (S)he hasn’t had a break since the Dinosaurs and you want to ask for help to win that raffle at work where the grand prize is a brand-new green-Camaro? Well stop the  presses, you are her/his biggest fan, of course (s)he’ll help you out! Not… I mean, if God needed a day to rest, I can’t imagine (s)he’d have enough time in the day to check her/his pray-mail.

So here’s a little plan, maybe we can all learn how to pray responsibly! I mean, if we can imagine that God has to pick and choose which prayer’s (s)he’s answering then imagine what we could do if we cut out all of these damn “prayers for personal gain” and we use it to fix all the terminally-ill children or the broken families or the discarded puppy dogs or… you get my point?

Maybe if we all learned to pray a little bit more responsibly, instead of for monetary gain, fame, or shallow self-interests, then Our Lady Peace would not have had to make this song back in the 1990s…

It’s 2012 people, let’s get our shiz together and bring back a little positivity to the world… If you believe in God or Jesus, cool. But don’t use their names to back up your own insecurities or negativities (once again, “pray the gay away”? Seriously?!).

Much Lovin’,
The Chad.


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